The Road to Forty: Functioning in Dysfunction and Cooter Brown
I grew up in the Bible Belt. That means “small towns in the South or Midwest with nutball evangelical churches and a Walmart” to anyone who might not be familiar with the term. My specific location of...
View ArticleAre you going to try for a girl?
This post originally appeared on Baby Gizmo. The sign currently on my vag. I don’t get this question too often anymore because most of the people I’ve come into contact with over the last two years...
View ArticleThis Bible Belt Does Not Go With My Devil Pants
My great-grandmother was an unintentional key player in forming my views on religion, church, and Christianity. I’m still trying to reconcile who I am and what I believe with my early experiences in...
View ArticleToday, I am a dreamer.
If you knew you wouldn’t fail, what would you try? I saw this question posed in my latest issue of Real Simple magazine. It is the only magazine to which I subscribe and am always happy to see when it...
View ArticleSee You Later
Just this morning I saw you, But I cannot recall my last words. I hugged you lightly, but I was Distracted as the last glimpse of Your coat rounded the stairs and Soft footsteps bid me farewell. Here...
View ArticleScratch Paper
As I watch you eat lunch, you on the brink of five and me on the ledge of forty, I have learned not to assume I know what the future may hold. Your little hand holds the fork in a way that makes my...
View ArticleWhen You’re Fifteen
Moving in the middle of high school is hard for many kids. My story isn’t special in that regard. However, I made the entire ordeal much more difficult than it needed to be because that’s the way I was...
View ArticleMy list of Personal Lessons, Half-Truths, and Other Stuff
I am opposed to inspirational quotes and helpful advice. So if some of this comes across as such, please read it with a snarl and an eye roll. 1. Judge lightly because you’re probably an asshole, too....
View ArticleWhere’s My Prize?
Photo Credit: The Mom of the Year As I was running errands the other day I paid a visit to the grocery store and the bank, also known as my second and third homes. I think banks and groceries stores...
View ArticleThe 5 Stages of Family Vacation
Somebody grab the rogue baby. The 5 stages of family vacation are coincidentally the exact same as the 5 stages of grief. Or maybe it’s no fucking coincidence because the souls of parents everywhere...
View ArticleThe Road to Forty: Mostly an Adult
Your 20’s: Basically made up of group photos like this. I did well in college, joined a sorority, made friends, traveled, partied, and lived a charmed life in general. I was sufficiently distracted by...
View ArticleLiving and Dying in my 30’s
I have started, stopped, revised, and erased this final leg of The Road to Forty several times. I’ve tried telling stories, discussing my thoughts on feminism and motherhood, recounting the dark days...
View ArticleThe Pantyhose Man
“Luke. Luke. LUKE. Put down the toy so I can get you out of your car seat, honey. What’s that in your mouth?” “Nothing, Mommy.” “Spit it out, Luke,” I say without much patience. He produces a hard...
View ArticleThe Art of Kindness
I had a conversation with my child the other day about kindness. We’ve had a few of these conversations recently because kids can be real jerks. One of mine said he heard another kid make remarks about...
View Article1995
It was the year I decided I would have sex for the first time. I was 18 and in my freshman year of college. I had been dating the same guy for several months. He was a patient and kind person who never...
View ArticleDon’t Be Part of the Poison
I think we should all remember, as tomorrow comes and goes, that the responsibility for our current national climate, and the circumstances thereof, is not entirely the fault of one political party....
View ArticleThe Road to Forty: Mostly an Adult
Your 20’s: Basically made up of group photos like this. I did well in college, joined a sorority, made friends, traveled, partied, and lived a charmed life in general. I was sufficiently distracted by...
View ArticleThe Swearing Litmus Test: When Can I Safely Say F*ck?
There is much debate about fucking swearing when you fucking feel like it. I firmly believe that swearing can be a positive thing for the fuck/shit/damn-wielding among us. It relieves stress. It’s...
View ArticleThe Enumeration of Sin
One way to enumerate a life is by sin. We know our sins. We see them so often in the mirror we gloss over them, giving ourselves a pass, forgetting our innocent imperfections and ignoring our outright...
View Article15 Ways To Get Through A Day When Depression Stops By
This article originally appeared as a guest post at The Indie Chicks. Periodic occurrences of depression are something with which I’m more familiar than I care to be. Sometimes it is due to...
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